Let me share a personal story about the importance of knowing how to flirt.
A few years back, I was in a club, talking to a hot girl.
The conversation went on for a while but without any flirting or escalation.
We were just chatting aimlessly about our day-to-day, current events, etc.
And soon enough, the conversation went stagnant.
We had nothing else to talk about.
And since I wasn’t making a move, she got bored and excused herself to go to the bathroom.
She never came back…
Has something similar ever happened to you?
This is why you have to flirt with the girl!
If a girl is talking to you, then she’s interested. Plain and simple.
Flirting is a mix of pull and push. Get close with light gestures and compliments, then pull back by teasing and playful banter. The goal is to make her invest in the conversation and provide an uphill challenge.
You need to show your interest by flirting with her.
Or else she’ll assume you’re just not into her, and find someone who is.
Why Is It Important To Flirt With a Girl
You might have built up the courage to approach her to start a conversation.
That is a good start to breaking the ice.
But regardless of how good a conversationalist you are.
Your approach must have a goal.
Why did you even step up to have a chat with her?
Is it simply to make another friend?
Or is it you are interested in her as a potential date?
These are the answers the girl needs but will never ask.
You need to be the one to prompt the answers to her.
Make it clear that your approach is to know her, and then get her as a date.
By flirting with her, she would be able to know your intentions.
At the same time, it creates a fun and light conversation between you and her.
No pressure or awkwardness, and that’s when you ramp up your advances.
The RIGHT Mindset When Flirting With a Girl
1. Be Confident Enough To Pull It Off
Many guys struggle with flirting.
The reason being they lack the self-confidence to effectively pull it off.
This is a deal-breaker for most guys.
Sources have confirmed that women rate confidence as a very attractive trait in a potential partner.
You can have a whole arsenal of tricks up your sleeve.
But it’s useless if you don’t have the confidence to present yourself.
Imagine teasing a girl but pulling back at the last moment due to shyness.
How lame would that be?
The result would be an awkward exchange that will scar you for a lifetime.
I would love to share a simple trick that you can use to boost your confidence in a day.
Sadly that’s not how it works!
Confidence is a state of mind that takes time to build, and lots of practice.
No one is born with the confidence to spare.
If you do not have it, fake it till you make it.
I know that’s not the ideal scenario but it’s the truth.
Everyone does this at some point, so there’s nothing wrong with it.
The more you practice, the easier it’ll be for you in the future.
Build yourself from the very bottom if you need to, and work your way up!
Most importantly, have fun doing it.
Enjoy the process of picking up the skills to flirt with a girl in person.
2. Keep It Light & Fun
The whole point to flirt is to keep things light and fun.
Yes, it may be stressful but it’s not a fight or flight situation.
It’s a conversation with a beautiful woman!
It should be fun for you and her, so have fun doing so.
Don’t jump into heavy topics such as asking about her whole life story.
Steer away from anything too serious or negative.
It’s good to know everything about her.
But it should not be done in the initial phase.
Make her feel that having a conversation with you is a breeze.
There is no stress to be felt, and words are easy to say!
This is the cornerstone of a successful date.
You need to pique her interest.
So that you may get to know the deeper secrets in her heart.
You want to come across as someone funny but confident, even slightly cocky if need be.
But don’t overdo it…
You need to tread this line carefully as women are turned off by cocky men.
You do not need to inflate your ego.
But be confident in the words you say and have a firm tone of voice.
3. Approach Her To Know Her
Flirt with the mindset of getting to know her.
This is REALLY important!
You wouldn’t be able to flirt properly if you stress yourself out with the intricacies.
Chat with her, poke fun at her, and add flirty innuendo when you can.
Many guys stress about making a point to flirt with the girl.
To the extent that it makes the flirting unnatural and scripted.
Girls do not like to be approached with an ulterior motive.
They can sense it right off the bat when a guy approaches them.
Instead, approach her with the mindset of getting to know her.
This will make her lessen her guard around you.
Here are 5 steps you can use to approach her in any setting.
Only then can you proceed to have a conversation with her to attract her.
Be genuine in wanting to know her as a person.
Do not objectify her or treat her as a goal to achieve.
Girls do not take it well.
What To Say When Flirting With a Girl
4. Tease Her When Appropriate
When teasing, it’s not to outright insult her and cause her displeasure.
But it’s referring to poking fun at her quirkiness.
There’s a world of difference!
Most guys steer away from insults as they are afraid to offend the girl.
Instead, they try to compliment the girl excessively.
After some repetition, the girl starts to back away.
Why does this happen?
Why would they back away by having compliments thrown at them?
The reason is actually very simple.
It’s because they got bored!
When you’re trying to attract a girl, compliments can only take you so far.
What you need is to add some teasing into the mix to spice things up.
Think about it for a moment…
Even the best compliments can get boring when overused.
However, for teasing, there is much more room for you to play around with.
It can be as simple as laughing at something silly that she said.
Or pointing out a change in her hairstyle.
A tease is deliberate and aimed at fun.
She would know that you are poking fun at her.
And therefore can’t really get angry with you.
At most, she’ll be annoyed…
And at this point, it is best to throw in a compliment to catch her off guard.
Make sure it’s something related to what you just made fun of.
If you teased about something she said, complimenting her for the cute mistake.
If it was regarding the hairstyle change, a compliment that it looks good on her after a second look.
The mix of teasing and compliments is the best ratio as the girl will NEVER get bored of it.
Getting a response from her by teasing and then appeasing it with a compliment.
This back and forth change in emotions is what makes things exciting.
By doing so, you’ll cause her embarrassment to fade away and bring a smile to her face.
5. Playful Banter To Keep Her Interested
Banter has a single and straightforward goal.
To send her the message that it’s OK to have fun.
You might notice she is starting to become quieter and more reserved.
This happens in social settings as prolonged interactions drain a person’s energy.
So what do you do?
You can either do nothing.
And wait for her energy to be used up; and along with her interest in you.
Or you can start a playful banter to keep her interested.
When you make her laugh, you get energy on your side.
This shows her that you’re a guy whose company she’s going to enjoy.
Banter brings a light, playful aspect to your conversation.
It aids in relieving the initial intimidation that one feels.
Instead of asking a ton of personal questions: “where are you from?” or “What do you do?”
Doing so will cause a girl to become defensive in her replies.
Playful banter gives the girl the green light to loosen up and have some fun.
It lets her know that it is OK to poke fun at you too!
You’re not someone who she has to be careful in offending and can just let loose.
As you have not talked about anything serious, it leaves you with a huge reserve of things to talk about.
When she starts having fun, she will want to know more about you.
This comes naturally as you have garnered her attention and her focus is now on you.
The underlying goal of banter is to get her attracted to you.
When that happens… she will be dying to know more about you!
6. Hold Back On The Compliments
She is gorgeous, she’s a stunner.
Do you want to compliment her so that she knows? Not so fast.
Hold back on the compliments!
If she’s a beautiful girl, don’t you think that she already knows that?
The number of guys that complimented her, would be too many to count.
Now if you start to go on and on complimenting her.
How does that make you different from every other guy that flirts with her?
Compliments are great and effective.
But if used too soon and often it will lose its magic.
Be stingy in your compliments at the start.
So that the girl will notice when you use it.
In addition, it makes you more genuine and she’ll know that you mean it.
By holding back, you will stand out from the other guys that tried to have a conversation with her.
Attract her with your charm, and not compliments in the initial phase.
How To Flirt With a Girl In Person
7. Lessen The Distance Between You and Her
Everyone has their own personal space which we call the comfort zone.
When someone steps inside, it might feel intrusive to the girl.
But when a girl lets you into her personal space.
That is when you know she is comfortable with you!
Aim to lessen the distance between you and her.
When you’re having a conversation when you’re giving her a toast.
There are many ways you can do this but the goal is to get her comfortable with your contact.
By lessening the space, you will send a message to her that you are someone she can trust.
Also, it adds to the sexual tension between you and her.
Combine this with physical touch to build intimacy.
8. Use Casual Touch To Aid Your Flirting
This is perhaps the most straightforward method.
But it is also the most difficult method to get right.
A single touch releases chemicals in the brain that make people feel good.
When done right, it warms up the girl to be comfortable being physical with you.
Planting the thought that perhaps you two could get even more physical.
The key point of touching is to do it often and do it subtly!
Keep your touches light and brief at the beginning so you don’t come off too aggressively.
When you feel that she’s comfortable, escalate your intimacy from there.
Make full use of opportunities where touching makes sense.
Like guiding her by giving a slight push on her back through the doorway.
Or taking her hand and bringing her around the bar.
Anything that you can do to get her comfortable with your touch – do it!
9. To-Go or Not-To-Go
Another great tip is to play with the space between you and the girl.
Stand close to the point that you’re sharing personal space.
This is to increase the sexual tension between you two.
Then take a step back and create space to let that tension fizzle away.
Continue to play with the space between you and her.
Move-in close to building up sexual tension and then pulling away to release it.
This action of continuously building and releasing tension will keep the interaction exciting while turning her on.
It has the effect of making her crave more intimacy from you.
It follows the push and pull concept.
But it’s using your body language to accomplish this feat.
How To Flirt With a Girl Over Text
Flirting over text follows the same principles as when flirting in person.
Most guys get intimidated and do not know what to say when flirting over text.
Here’s the good news: flirting with a girl over text is easier than flirting face to face.
But before that, use these 4 methods to get her number and start texting.
You have more time on your hands to think of something clever to reply to!
Of course, that is not to say you should copy some script and use it as your text message.
She’ll notice the difference right away.
So how do you flirt with a girl over text?
10. Being Witty Is The Game Changer
When you flirt with a girl over text, you need to know the biggest difference.
Texting is just a way of communicating that is difficult to distinguish the other person’s emotions.
This is the biggest limitation when it comes to texting.
A compliment is good but when it’s done over text, it will be less effective.
The best way to flirt over text is to reply with witty responses!
When a girl texts you something, respond to her with a witty comeback.
Catch her by surprise, and you’ll be bound to have her hooked to your conversation.
A witty comeback acts like a trick shot.
She’ll never know what you’re actually thinking and this keeps her on edge.
Rather than being overly sweet with compliments, bring wit to your texting.
And you’ll see the change it’ll do for your conversation.
11. Never Double Text
Have you ever texted a girl, and waited by the phone for her response.
Time passes and you get more and more anxious for her reply.
You might not like hearing this.
But chances are, most of the stuff you text a girl does not warrant an immediate response.
Yes… you might have texted her a witty text, the best you could muster.
But the fact is there is no need for someone to reply right away.
Just because she didn’t reply right away, doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you!
This is the primary difference between texting and real-life conversations.
Most of the time, texting is a waiting game.
Instead of following with another text, be patient and wait for her reply.
Here’s how you can get the girl to initiate and text you first.
Give her some time to read your message as she could be busy.
Double texting a girl is a big NO as it only portrays you in a bad light.
Show her that you can be patient and not desperate for her attention.
Keep yourself busy, occupy yourself, while you wait for her reply.
12. Keep Her Guessing
Always keep her guessing your intentions.
As mentioned earlier, texting is devoid of emotions.
Things will get boring pretty fast if you share everything with the girl you’re texting.
Texting has the element of being light and fun.
This means that you can keep her guessing you’re every intent and get away with it.
When you need to take a stand, such as asking her on a date, be sure to stand firm.
But on the day-to-day basis, where you two are causally texting, keep things fun.
One way is to cleverly make use of words that have a double meaning.
Cleverly craft them into your questions and throw them to the girl to answer.
You’ll drive her crazy over text if you can manage that.
More Dating Tips & Tricks To Get The Girl
Getting the girl to fall for you can be straightforward, but there are a lot of things you need to get right. Use these articles to further up your dating game:
- Master the art of flirting and make girls chase you.
- Here are more ways to make a woman want you.
- Our ultimate guide to seriously up your texting skills.
To sum it up
Flirting is a skill that takes tons of practice.
The foundation is to have the confidence to successfully pull it off.
When used right, it will allow you to take a boring conversation.
And amp it into a sexy act of flirting within seconds.
The golden rule when it comes to flirting:
“Don’t put too much thought if it’s gonna work or not”
Practice is what you need to hone your flirting skills.
You can have a million scenarios in your mind.
But crumble when you’re doing it for real.
Add these tips to your flirting arsenal and flirt with a girl – the right way.
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